I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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