Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
