i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
