If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
