Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
