OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize