Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
