Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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