If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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