Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
