why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
