shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
