I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
