The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
