a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
