Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
