my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
