dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize