I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
