I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
