Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
