i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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