Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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