We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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