i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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