I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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