I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have already put on my inside pants.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
