I skipped work to stalk him.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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