I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dignity is for republicans.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
