it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
