Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize