dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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