Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need to sanitize my soul.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
