I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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