is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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