That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
