What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
