I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
