I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I forget how to act sober
Randomize