I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
