Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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