I understand Curling. That high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
