I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
