but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
