he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
