I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your cock deserves a montage
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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