She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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