Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
