I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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