he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
