then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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