I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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