Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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