Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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