I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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