he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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