fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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