can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
