Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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