The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
