hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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