EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
