so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
