I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
