My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize