i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
