Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
