nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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