Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
